"And here comes the pitch..."

[Emily Wright]

“And here comes the pitch...”

by Emily Wright

     So... you think you know a good movie story when you hear it, do you?  Think you can tell a real movie from something that's sitting in the "slush pile," hey?

     Here, for your expert opinion, are a 17 movie pitches.  If you think the story line should or could be a real movie, enter the title(s) or title numbers in the comments section. Everyone gets a maximum of ten guesses.  A wrong or incorrect answer will cancel out a correct answer, so be careful!

Winners to be announced here and at the AWG General Membership Meeting on June 2nd!

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1. “Victoria's Secret” REAL! - In Victorian London, a forward-thinking young doctor who specializes in treating hysterical women comes up with the invention of the electric vibrator. Along the way he must deal with a somewhat boring engagement to his employer's shy daughter and a secret attraction to her outspoken older sister.

(This is a real, recently released movie, called “Hysteria”)

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2. “Turbo Jet Massage”  REAL! - A magical hot tub transports its occupants back to the year when they first screwed up their future lives and presents them with the chance to not screw it up again - or leave things the way they were.

(This was a real blast-from-the-past 2010 movie called “Hot Tub Time Machine” - but it has been voted one of the worst movies ever made. So if you voted either way, you were right!)

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3. “Big Mac and Me” NOT A "REEL" MOVIE! - A Mysterious Alien Creature (called “MAC”) escapes from evil NASA scientists and makes friends with a wheelchair-bound boy. In their quest to find Mac's "family," the duo parlay 120 minutes of blatant product placements into an unexpectedly happy movie – which includes a ten-minute dance number with Ronald McDonald. Co-Produced by the creative advertising arms of WalMart, Coca-Cola, and  (of course) McDonalds.

(Not a movie yet - and maybe never will be. “Mac and Me” is the name of an actual screenplay, though.)

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4. “Court and Spark” REAL! - Decades into a devoted marriage - and determined to put spark and passion back into their relationship - a wife persuades her skeptical husband to see a renowned "Couple's Therapist" in hopes of re-igniting the fire that first brought their hearts together.

(The “reel” deal: “Hope Springs” comes out August 10th with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones as husband and wife.)

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5. “Bar Harbor Moon” REAL! - A pair of misfit 12-year-olds, pledging eternal love, flee their small-minded New England town and run away to a small island, prompting a local search party to fan out and find them. Along the way, the adults remember the importance of first love and the pain of growing up.

(The “reel” deal: “Moonrise Kingdom” opened at the end of May, starring Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Bruce Willis, Tilda Swinton. Great cast!)

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6. “Prime and Pristine”  NOT A "REEL" MOVIE! - A group of teenage nerds, desperate to raise cash to prevent foreclosure on an elderly woman's home, devise an incredulous plan to steal actor Nicholas Cage’s priceless copy of Action Comics No. 1, the landmark 1938 comic that introduced the world to Superman, the Man of Steel.

("Action No. 1" is the name of a screenplay looking for a buyer - and the writers are probably hoping to somehow get Nicholas Cage attached to it.)

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7. “Out With A Bang” REAL! - With nothing left to live for, a recently divorced middle-aged man, recently fired from his job, and recently diagnosed with a possibly terminal illness, has had enough of the downward spiral of America and decides to take out his frustrations by hunting down and killing stupid, irritating celebrities. Along the way, he finds an unusual accomplice: a 16-year-old girl who shares his sense of rage and disenfranchisement.

(The “reel” deal: "God Bless America" In theaters soon. Starring Joel Murray (Bill Murray's brother) and Tara Lynne Barr. Written and directed by comedian Bobcat Goldthwait.)

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8. “Presently Unattached”  NOT A "REEL" MOVIE! - A young professional's life is turned upside down when he reads the recently changed Facebook relationship status of his childhood tutor, who broke his heart as a teenager. He decides to try and win her back.

(The screenwriter of the un-produced “Lauren Pemberton Is No Longer In A Relationship” is still making calls, knocking on doors, trying to get that all-important meeting – so, no – this isn't a real movie.)

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9. “Lock-Down at Kennedy High” NOT A "REEL" MOVIE! - A prim-and-proper straight-edge teen girl and her rebellious, outcast brother try to escape from their prison-like high school which has been locked down and plunged into anarchy and pandemonium brought about by a haywire chemistry lab experiment that turns seniors into zombies.

(This is another spec script waiting to finds a buyer. Instead of the haywire lab experiment, however, the real screenplay invents a ravenous, supernatural monster. We just felt the “zombie” aspect made the film more commercial.)

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10. “Less Than Perfect” REAL! - A suburban wife and mother is nominated for the "Catholic Woman of the Year" Award at her local parish and must face the truth about her imperfect nonconformist family, whom she has to introduce to the church board.

(The “reel” deal:  "Imperfect Family" stars Kathleen Turner, Jason Ritter, and Emily Deschanel.)

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11. “Big Wet Park” REAL! - A school of fierce, bloodthirsty, prehistoric, flesh-eating fish swim upstream to terrorize a bustling “adult” water park called “Big Wet,” full of bikini babes and horny guys. In 3-D and (of course) rated “R”!!!

(The “reel” deal: Pirahna 3DD hits local theaters later this month with Christopher Lloyd, Paul Scheer, Danielle Panabaker and (wait for it, wait for it!) David Hasselhoff !

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12. “The Angel in Unit 3” REAL! - Two Chicago tabloid reporters, checking out a report of a cigarette-smoking, beer-drinking angel reportedly living with an old woman in in a rural Iowa motel, find that it's true. Their lives are never the same.

(Sound familiar? This was the 1996 John Travolta movie called “Michael” with William Hurt and Andie MacDowell. Great movie!)

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13. “Safety Not Guaranteed” REAL! - Intrigued by a bizarre classified ad with these three words (“Safety not guaranteed”), three magazine employees attempt to track down an eccentric man who is seeking a companion for time travel. Their lives are never the same.

(The “reel” deal: Yes, that's the title of a real movie that's coming next week to a movie theater near you with a cast you probably never heard of .)

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14. “Hannibal, Mo.”  NOT A "REEL" MOVIE!   A re-imagining of the Mark Twain classic “Tom Sawyer” in the vein of Snow White and the Huntsman, focusing on Tom and Huck Finn as adults in a period action story with supernatural elements. The trio are now in their virile early 20s and sweet Becky Thatcher is kick-ass hot!

(The “reel” truth ) Sorry, we don't know how long you'll have to wait for this not real, as-yet un-produced spec screenplay entitled "Tom, Huck and Becky.".)

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15. 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” REAL! - As a huge asteroid heads for Earth in the near future, a man finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Riding along is his buddy neighbor who inadvertently puts a monkey wrench in his plan.

(The “reel” deal: “Seeking a Friend” comes out later this summer, starring Steve Carell, Kiera Knightley, and Adam Brody.)

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16. “Ted” REAL! - A comical yet poignant story of a grown man has to put up with his ever-present teddy bear, who was brought to life by a childhood wish and has remained by his side ever since.

(The “reel” deal: "Ted," with Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Giovanni Ribisi and Joel McHale. Written by Seth MacFarlane (he of “Family Guy” and “American Dad” fame) - Comes out in early July.)

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17. “T.J. And Me” (MY VERY OWN PLOTLINE!)   NOT A "REEL" MOVIE! - A married couple in a messy divorce battle over who gets custody of their pet dog, “Poopsie.” In the midst of one bitter argument, the dog runs away, and is later found in a dumpster behind a Trader Joe store. He is adopted by a young woman, “Essy,” an offbeat freelance writer, who blogs about her new found relationship. The blog becomes wildly popular. When the divorcing couple learn about their dog's whereabouts, they sue Essy for alienation of affections and return of the dog. A big court battle ensues, the outcome determined by a famous TV judge.

(My thanks to all who though my playful plot line was real.  Who knows?  Maybe it will be a "reel" movie some day! -Emily)

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     Which are "reel" movies? Can you guess? You could guess all of them are real movies and still come up a winner - but, to make things a little more difficult, a wrong guess will cancel out a correct one.  So be careful!

    Enter your picks in the comments section below.

    Everyone gets a maximum of ten guesses.  Remember, a wrong or incorrect answer will cancel out a correct answer, so be careful!  Whoever comes up with the most correct answers will be our winner!

 

[AWG News]

THIS COMPETITION IS CLOSED TO ANY NEW ENTRIES!

Our thanks and appreciation to all those

who submitted entries!

[Lauretta Coumarbatch]

Congrats to Lauretta for getting the most correct "guesses" (9!). But when you lose so many points for "wrong" guesses, well...you've got to pay the piper. But you were definitely in the running!

9 correct - 4 wrong = 5 points 

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16

 

8 guesses to go -lol!

[Leo Sopicki]

6 correct - 4 wrong =  2 points

Sorry you had smany wrong guesses, Leo - but thanks  for thinking my log line ("T.J. and Me") was good enough to be real!

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 16, 17

[Ryan Esteban Stabile]

6 correct - 1 wrong = 5 points

Not bad, Ryan!

2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12, 16
I'd watch it.

[Karin Masden]

Nice guesses, Karin!  And thanks so much for thinking my log line ("T.J. and Me") was good enough to be real!

7 correct - 3 wrong = 4 points

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17

[Elle de Champagne]

Nice try, Elle, but no cigar.(Producer moguls always have a cigar!) And thanks so much for thinking my log line ("T.J. and Me") was good enough to be real!

7 correct -3 wrong = 4 points

1, 2, 4, 6, 9, 11, 12, 15,16, 17